Fuel Your Legacy

Episode 190: Andrey Psyche, Overcoming fear, self-love, focus, creative process, networking

Episode Summary

Andrey Psychè is an interdisciplinary artist that found solace in music. What once was background noise has become the centerpiece of his life. He spends most of his time translating his other disciplines into music. Paintings turn to poetry turn to lyrics turn to songs turn to album covers turn to clothe apparel and so on. Psychè recycles every bit of creativity he stumbles upon, squeezing out everything he can before moving on to whatever is next. ​ His music has been labeled as raw, honest, and emotional slap to the face, by listeners all over the world. Psychè sees music as abstract as his splatter paintings. "There is a pattern in nature that artists exploit," said Psychè, "my music is no different. Just like in my paintings, I provide a framework, a lattice onto which the viewer, or the listener, projects his own consciousness, using the art as a mirror to peer deep into their own subconscious mind." He continued, "I include visually stimulating lyrics with fragments of my own emotional experience to induce imagery in the mind, and the audience does the rest. They imbue the message with their own stories, their own life, and through me, or other artists, they come closer and closer to the unattainable, the knowledge of self." ​ His sound has been compared to Mumford & Sons, Pearl Jam, Don Mclean, Cat Stevens, Chris Isaak, Josè Gonzáles, Julien Baker, to name a few. Psychè focuses on the honesty of the emotion he is trying to capture. He said, "If I can't make myself cry, what chance do I stand with getting you to?" ​ Through his knowledge of the guitar, Psychè creates catchy melodies upon which he builds up a soundscape of emotions. Adding in symbolic language that seems to fall out of his chest, he weaves the two together through layers of familiar change. "The vocal melody has a definitive pattern, but Psyché also manages to make slight changes that keep monotony at bay. The guitar works much the same way, with a regular pattern imbibed with ultra flair at key points," says Dan Ray from Dan's Tunes Seattle. ​ If you get a chance to hear Psychè play live, all you will have at the end of the night is a shocked, disbelieving look, and the thoughts of "Wow" repeated over and over again.

Episode Notes

As much as you like this podcast, I'm certain that you're going to love the book that I just released on Amazon, fuel your legacy, the nine pillars to build a meaningful legacy. I wrote this to share with you the experiences that I had while I was identifying my identity, how I began to create my meaningful legacy and how you can create yours. You're going to find this book on kindle amazon and as always on my website, Sam Knickerbocker calm.

Welcome back to fuel your legacy. Today we have a very interesting exciting guests. Some things that I love when I search for people to be on my podcast as people from different industries

different life experiences. And the reason for that is everybody has different legacy and, and it's important to hear how different people are fulfilling their purpose in life. So, today we have on I'm gonna make sure I say his name properly. Andrea site Andry site completely wrong.

That's all Andre Andre psyche a man. That's okay. Every time so Andre psych and he's a freelancer performer music, sorry musician, mystic. And he makes daily commits to himself and to the world. He's a human, that the human heart to Him is the most powerful tool for success on the planet. And and he has been bathing. His Okay, I love how this phrase has been bathing his human heart, in self love for years. What's it got? What has it gotten him as a question? We're going to find out today. So, Andre, just let us know a little bit about your history. How did you discover

the importance of

self love for yourself at and why is it phrased that exact way like bathing, bathing your heart and self love. I love it. Oh, well first of all, like I am a poet, so I'm trying to I'm trying to convey deep emotional meanings through you know, through simple language. And once you get to a point of this, of this, this, whatever it is, it truly feels like there's this, this this ethereal substance that's surrounding you and you're just, you're just floating in it. And that's that's where a lot of your mystical principles or religious principles, or Buddhist or anything of that nature says, Don't get attached to anything because once you once you let go of all attachments and you just you attach yourself to the current moment, you start to see yourself floating through life through the universe and things start to get a little a little interesting for the individual

Yeah, go ahead and go ahead and share with us your story of how that all came to be where, where you started, and where you are today and where you're headed. Sure. So I was just like everybody else, I'll try to keep this 10 minutes, obviously, just like everybody else. And I went to, I have my path place in front of me, you're going to go to the university, you're going to get, you're going to study medicine. I'm from a Russian family, and you know, my parents are like, you're going to go and be, this is gonna be your legacy. You're gonna be a doctor, you're going to save lives, you're gonna make money, people gonna respect you. And I'm like, yeah, we're gonna do that. So going through high school, I had a lot of

low cop, low self confidence. You know, I was bullied a lot I was picked on. And then it got to a point where I was like, I'm not worth this. So I turned into the bully and I started picking people in and I had this, I adopted this, this masculine mindset of just, you know, go out there and just just beat the shit out of the world until it's reduced to your will

And I lived in that sort of mindset for a really long time, went through college, went to university, studied biology, studied medicine, and got to the point of graduating and I was like, Alright, let's go work with the doctor and see how this is all gonna pan out. So, as long as I'm working and I'm living with this mindset, it feels like it's me against the world. And I'm but I'm proving myself to the doctor, to my patients to everybody. And my doctor says, All right, like you got great potential. Let me send you to the, to my med school where I went to New York and things will be hunky dory. I was like, cool. Let me think about this.

After about a year of doing this and continuing to do this daily grind and showing up and and still loving it. I really enjoy the

interaction between people. I got to a point where I said, I'm going to do this, take the plunge and go be a doctor and had a realization in my mind as I was driving home to my parents.

to their home, it should say, I had this flash of clarity at least for that moment that I've never experienced before. And it gave me the understanding that it was love that I was pursuing it was, it was the tenderness. It was the connection the community that I was looking for, rather than anything monetary or anything of that nature. And I and I projected forward and ask myself, is this what I really want to do? Do I want to be stuck, dedicating another decade of my life to education, to to get glory, to give money to get pride to get all of these things? Or do I want to be with my family helping raise my my

young step steps, Pastor

be with my mom be with my dad, my brother and actually see how their life progress throughout this decade. And to me it just it just hit me, hit me right in the heart. That was the first moment where I allowed love to take over and I said you know what, I don't want to give up this once in a lifetime moment. For sure.

Something prestigious, like like a title or, or a paycheck. So

I was coming home to tell them that I was gonna leave for New York in the next couple of weeks. And instead, I was like, Listen, I'm gonna quit my job, I'm gonna leave, I'm gonna leave my apartment, I'm gonna leave everything behind. And I'm going to come and help my mom, she runs her own custom manufacturing business to go and help you with the business. So this is a perfect time because my stepdad died. And she was just really struggling. So I came in, I started learning how to work with my hands, actually started using my knowledge, as hands on knowledge and create things on the spot. And at this moment, I know I was hoping it was already functioning business. She just she was struggling. So money wasn't necessarily a problem there. I'll just go out there and learn sales I learned networking, customer relationships, all that stuff. And I went out and just did my job basically almost took a took the business over from her and became a protege

So what happened is

I started creating, with, with, with, or playing with with just random things, you know, up until this point art was worthless music was worthless. I thought why would anybody be spending time on this, it's just background noise. It was still a lot of tech now just to get me pumped about doing whatever the flip I was doing that was that I found

useful. And I had this moment of transformation, I was running my CNC router to engrave some sort of image, and boom, just lightning just hit me. And I had this understanding this clarity, this embodiment of the knowledge that I am the creator of my life, that anything and everything that happens around me, whether it's the relationships that form in front of me, or even even the state of the world, I accept a responsibility for how it is. And from that moment on, I was like, Okay, I can't I can't sleep on this information. I can't. I can't

I put out the fire of My Spirit on this moment and I have to go and express myself fully. So that moment that realization allowed me to just go into painting, go into poetry, going to music, going to dancing, going to act and go to all these ways of expression, because I understood it to be deeper than just that expression understood to be the creation of the individual that would participate in the world to then create ripples effects that happen between you know, connections of other people. And and it's like the butterfly effect, you know, one good deed lease another good deed lease another good deed and then before you know it, boom, the world is a is a much happier place. And that's it. So once I hit me, I just I just couldn't sit back and stop creating excuses. I dove into meditation dove into spirituality, dove into health, because health is the greatest key to freedom. If you don't have health, you can't do anything, no matter how much desire or passion you might have. So I started cleaning out

My world has started cleaning up clean up my body to show up ready to, for anything, no. And very slowly through a lot of a lot of discipline work and late nights and early mornings. I find myself here and just in a completely transformed life where love has found me personally as to just accept myself for who I am for anything that might happen inside of me. I don't bottle up anything anymore. As you can see, these are all my emotions on all my things here. And it I've come to a place that feels like

like just almost like emptiness, like a Zen Zen spot where I'm in the I'm in the center of the the eye of the hurricane. And from there I can make much better judgments about where I can go and where I can lead other people to find their own peace.

Hopefully that was good. Oh, awesome. No, I love it. There's so much here. That is, I think

crucial to it's fascinating actually to hear your experience

compared to my experience while ending in a very similar position. So one thing that I found interesting over, if you listen to the podcast, then you'll hear lots of different stories, I find a lot of people end up in this place of love. But we all have different paths to get there. And for mine, for me, I would say my path was more. There's a lot of similarities, but there's also a lot of differences. So things that were similar that I recognized inside of myself, I'm the seventh of 11 Kids was raised by in an abusive home, mentally, physically, verbally. All those, all those forms of abuse, thankfully, no sexual abuse that that I experienced, and I'm grateful to report that you know, but ultimately, I don't blame anybody in my household for what happened in fact,

There's just a lot of compassion there. But there was a point in my talk in my life where you described it as, hey, I'm not worth this abuse from others or this bullying, so I'm going to become the bully or right? For me, that same result happened, but instead of me saying I'm not worth it,

in my mind, and keep in mind, this is all my self aggrandizing

perception of what was going on when I was, you know, 1011 1213 years old. But I thought, well, if there's if this is it, the extrinsic bullier of all of the group. Well, if I

take the leadership role, and make sure that they do what they're doing, then I will abuse my family less than the other abuser. And then things will be better because there will be less abuse even though I'm the one now inflicting the pain versus the other person. I will do it better and

more controlled than this person. This was my stuff. This is my, what I believed about myself, right? Not necessarily true. And it took me to have my oldest, oldest, but one of my older brothers come in and like, actually show me hold me down in a physically restrictive position and tell I calm down because I was not freaking out when he was getting his grip on me. And then he just explained, hey, this is how people feel, emotionally when you walk into the room. I mean, the tension was powerful. And I was like, what I'm saving you like, in my mind, I'm the Savior and you feel oppressed, like what the heck. But it took me a while for the penny to drop and for me to start seeing it and start looking at it from a different perspective and seeing all the damage I had caused by me being oppressive. It's interesting because most of us grew up with having this person who we felt was betraying us but we've never really felt like that because we were born on the seventh

11 so my younger siblings were born into an abusive situation. So we didn't really know anything different. But it's it is different when you see somebody who you thought was your ally become the abuser. Like that's a whole nother part of trauma that

was lost on me for a while. But as I started to see, it was really interesting. So that's one thing that I think is so crucial for us to understand and for us to ask ourselves, where are we doing that? The reality is, Andre probably still does aspects of that in his life because they're their old habits. I still do it in my life sometimes until I recognize Oh, I'm doing that habit again. I don't like that habit. And then I have to go Say sorry and say, Okay, I'm not doing that anymore. That happens. The one thing that

is interesting, though, is that love is the goal for me love was the goal to

to even for my siblings, the ones that I ended up being the oppressor for love was ultimately the goal. I wanted to help them not be abused as much, you know?

And when you recognize love was the goal, things changed in your life about what you were chasing? And I'm curious about this one question.

When you say don't be attached to things, but attached to the current moment, where did you hear like, Where did you experience or learn that that type of phrasing or experience, like what led you to that experience of Look, I'm not going to attach to anything physical, I'm just going to attach to present. So

for the longest time, you know, like I said, I jumped into a lot of meditative practices. And as I was experiencing these shifts of myself on my energy, coming from a scientific perspective of being an atheist, I needed the language that could describe what I was going through. So I was like, Alright, here's the things that I've been experiencing what is out there that can put some words to it. So I started diving into, you know, Buddhism, Hinduism, mysticism.

hermeticism just a lot of different things.

I've been around for a really long time. And Buddhism is one of the things that really grabbed me early on with with that, quote, Buddha said, attachment leads to suffering. And you know, for a while you can mold it over. It's like, what does that even mean? And there's a story where he says, All right, you have a vase, and you love this face. If you're attached to this face, when the face breaks, you're gonna, you're going to feel a severing, and you're going to feel pain, because you've been attached to this face. But if you live every day, as if the face was already broken, then every moment you spend with that base is going to be is going to be filled with pure love. And the day that it is broken, gets broken, which eventually will you don't feel that loss because it's been broken all along, if that makes sense. So, it later so that idea I practice heavily. Like when I when I was starting to just remember, there was there's this moment that I flipped 180 and I could even see myself looking back at myself, and I was like how the flipped and I get here

How I can see that man I can see that person right there. But I'm not that man, I can see a clear distinction between these two points and it happened right here. And I remember practicing this and I had a girlfriend a time a brand new one just came along and I even told her the same thing. I love you. Not attached to you if you ever want to leave like please, please do. And this is completely backwards from how it was the first relationship you can even second relationship because I was so attached so much codependency like he can't leave. You must be with me. I don't want you to go out there. I don't want to lose you. And the goal was always like how do I love you, I want to love you. I just want to protect you. I want to make sure you feel loved. But what it was, yeah, it was again is the abuser. I was projecting my own insecurities. I was projecting my own

own misunderstanding of what love was. And when I realized to let go of attachment and just be there with the present moment, then it's like the universe opened up and love made more sense. You know, love is just the appreciation of that moment and taking taking it in as it is rather than putting your money

mental projections on an individual or an environment, and then living in a fantasy world that doesn't exist. If you can let go with attachments you can be present and actually see for what it is. And from that, oh my gosh, you can start creating just unimaginable portraits with your life. I completely agree. It's so funny actually. I told my I told a lot of girls that most of them left.

My wife didn't though. So thank goodness. But yeah, she's my wife now. But yeah, that that statement, she felt a lot of insecurity when I told her that, like, Look, I don't, this isn't meant to be rude. I was literally on a client call just before this. And same thing. She's the client is thinking about working with me. And as a business partner, I was like, Look, I don't need you to work with me. I want you to I'd love to help you. I'd love to help you in your marriage succeed. But like,

if you come work with me,

that's great. If you don't, my family's still here.

I family still drinks I family still has a house over the head like, I don't need you for me to make money. Now, I'd love to help you make money in which case I'll make money, right? But I don't need you here. And that concept is so that is opposite opposite. Because those people you're telling that to they have the insecurities that they need you and so they're like, Oh crap, well, if he doesn't need me, why is he gonna stick around in an environment where I need him? So that that concept I would highly encourage you to consider as a listener, what what exactly are you holding on to that you need? That would be better off if you let go. Another thing that you said there this is fascinating to me is as an atheist, so for me, I'm a deeply deeply religious person.

And

I That being said, I view all religious narratives, right because religion is

different than theism in my mind, but

It's like ritualistic, right? Religion is for rituals. And

in that situation, the same thing, it's necessary. What is the narrative that you're going to use to describe

your experiences? Right? Because I think that's what all religious texts were about. That's what everything is about is they had a narrative that they felt, hey, if we share our experience in this narrative, it's an easy understandable at least gives people the basics of what's going on. If they want more information, they need to get connected with themselves or spirit or God or the Creator, whatever. But the end goal is the same right? That I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. And

that one of the I would say that key teachings that is doctrinally in the church, but I would say, very rarely practiced by its members. Okay, is the idea of creation.

Like, it's, it's taught into the doctrine of the religion, that you're a creator, your ultimate objective is to become a creator. And this is a training ground like that is the doc, if there was like one overarching that's the whole point of this universe. That's the overarching point of it. They call it the planet happiness, planned salvation, whatever. But point being helping people get to the point where not only do they

know, right, because we have this language that we're taught from a young age that you're a creator. And it's up to you to be the creator of your universe, but to actually put into practice it and so I love that you found that that you are and the way to do that is to, to unattach yourself from everything. Mm hmm. And that, it's like the simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. Because the more unattached you are, it's almost like the more

connection you feel with everything. So the less attached you are, the more

more connected, you become,

which is this fascinating, seemingly paradoxical thing, but it's not at all.

The other thing I want you to speak to here because this is, this is different than my situation. So for me to come to a lot of these enlightenment's in myself, and observations for myself, had to put in a lot of effort, a lot of work.

I heard somebody else had this experience that I was like, almost chasing this experience doing everything I could meditating things like that. When you said, almost every time you mentioned that you had this aha moment, it seemed, seems to me that they came during

what I would consider a more mundane task. Okay. The reason this is important is because,

again, if you're looking at the mind, and how the mind operates, when you're performing mundane tasks, you're in a state of mild hypnosis. You're basically on offer.

Pilot not connected to anything, or not attached to process or anything, you're just going about your regular business on autopilot. So explain that a little bit as far as like why you think that your aha moments came

during that that type of environment. So, the mind is a beautiful thing. And this is why like, you know, I love digging, you know, kind of, like you said kind of mindless tasks, because those mindless tasks are, it's when you allow your your, your your brain your thoughts to just kind of rest into, into a meditative state like you said yourself, alpha brain or beta or delta I'm not to get into one of those. And as I as you kind of get yourself into that mental state, you start to what's the word?

contemplate contemplation, right? It's different from thought thoughts, who will sit there and they will eat you up and what if this and what if that future is past you know, all these things that don't exist? contemplation

It's just a thought about, you know, ideas, and you allow an idea to just kind of marinate and evolve into whatever it is, you know, you just plant a seed and you allow the tree to just sprout out there. So to get to that point, same thing, you know, I was meditating I took health seriously, I started cleaning my body, you know, took, start eating organic, took all the pests, pesticides out, exercising regularly, or at least being very active.

And all of that. And literally crying almost every night from my meditations because I'll be uncovering so many deep buried emotions and deep Barry just just interactions moments that I was like, Man, that was me. I said that to my mother. I said that to my best friend, and I'd come out just tears. And the next day I would have to come out and just retribution Yo, I'm sorry, I did that. They're like what? So it doesn't matter if you don't remember, I did this. And I know it was it was, I don't say wrong or right because it does don't exist, but I know it was painful for you.

As

three hours a day, probably on in the morning, one but day one at night. And it was that fertile ground I created that then when I found myself in these Monday tap mundane tasks, and I found myself contemplating whatever ideas were all around me, you know, just just clarity this pyramid, I feel like I was in the right place to to have that

lightning strike hit me my aha moment, my moment of enlightenment that allowed me to see something beyond myself. As soon as I took myself out of the picture, then you can start to see the universe that is around you. And I'm so I don't credit the mundane task, but the task definitely gets you into a place where then you can become receptive to whatever is around us. Sure. I think what's fascinating to me as often is to manage so many different schools of thought, right.

And I'm of the opinion just from like a neuroscience perspective. So I tend to be more scientifically

minded, then purely ethereal. So like if it's too woowoo. And I'm like, show me some data, show me some realistic reasons why this is happening.

And I think it's all there. I think that meditation or any of this can't be tracked. I think there's maybe certain limitations currently of how we're tracking stuff that we don't have complete understanding. But the more and more that we're able to track the more and more like, Okay, this makes complete sense between brainwaves between energy between electricity, electricity, I mean, all those things. They're all real things. And so it's all trackable. But what's interesting is people that aren't there are

pockets of

man, what's it called? A different I would say studies whether that's

just different areas where they're, they're focused on meditation, yoga, things like that. And they are

in their mind, for whatever reason that gets translated to the rest of the world who doesn't quite buy into it yet, that meditation looks a certain way. And that is cool. I was having this conversation with my wife a few days ago. She's like, well, Sam, why don't you meditate daily? Why don't you because I was saying, hey, these are things that have helped me in my life. Why don't you meditate? And daily, why aren't you having somebody who does NLP practices on you and all these things that she said? And I was like, okay, so that assumption is that because my top form of meditation doesn't look like what you think meditation looks like that I'm not meditating. In my mind. Meditation is at its basic core, anything that puts you into this, this mild hypnosis state. And so if running, all that's required for your body to run is like three or four processes to run. That's a meditative state. Even if all you're doing is just you're running through, you're lifting weights.

Or you're running through your, your driving routine, whatever, those are all meditative states that you can be in. So don't mistake and think that the only way to meditate is to find a dark, quiet room, maybe meditation is playing the drums. Maybe meditation is listening to techno music, right? whatever it is that's so habitual in your life, that it doesn't require active thought, is meditation. It's like basic, basic core. And so I love that and I'm glad you you had brought that out. One that you would prepare yourself for it mentally to flow those to open those those flow states up, but also that you are, you're actively doing things that you already were comfortable doing to allow that negative state. So one more thing here that I

just want you to speak to. I don't know what's going to come out here, but I'm just interested in it. And

you had said when you're talking about a peaceful emptiness

Okay, so there's so many people I deal a lot with single mothers or our parents in general and they feel empty inside they feel like they're so busy in life trying to help everybody else trying to work for everybody else that they would say they feel empty.

My belief is their profit based on based on this statement, right? So I, this is me first, really contemplating this analogy. So I'm formulating My mind is mine.

But

I don't think they're really empty. If you are, if you're having stress, if you're having fear, if you feel empty, you're not you're not empty, there's something that you feel a lack of. The peaceful emptiness comes from the lack of connection, sorry, the lack of attachment to what's going on, and that's when you truly are able to empty any attachment

That's when you're empty. And that's also in my mind that using these words I've never used these verses described as though. But that is the ultimate peaceful state that is the Nirvana that is there like, Look, no, I'm not attached to anything. I don't, I don't have an outcome that I'm attached to does that that doesn't mean I don't have goals. That doesn't mean I don't have objectives. I'm just not attached to Xyz outcome.

speak to that for a second, like,

the kind of contrast between, I don't know at this point now in the conversation, it's attachment and connection and empathy. So speak that for a second. Okay. So So I completely

agree with with what you're saying. And when when somebody is feeling the way they're, and they feel like they're empty. They're actually full of other people's garbage basically, right? And they're empty of their own desires. They're not they're not following their own heart. So

in this scenario,

I guess I wanted to take this

into a little bit of philosophy. So I don't know if you've ever read Nietzsche or just even that kind of understanding. But he has. He talks that every individual has three

stages of life. You're either the camel in our in today's terms, like the sheep, the lion, or the baby, or the child. So the camel, he goes out there and he goes to the world, he just lives doing normal, mundane tasks of whatever it may be just, you know, go to work, have kids buy things, whatever it is, and it's a life right? If you want to choose that you want to live that life. It's also in it's, it's also life. Like every every life is worth living. There's no wrong, right? There's a wrong if you get to the point and start questioning that it's like, wait, what am I really doing here? Get this one of a line. And the job of a line with the second stage is to is to find all that thou shalt and thou shalt are attached to a dragon. Each scale has thou shalt love your mother, thou shalt listen to your boss. That was

Shout whatever anything that we've been programmed to believe this dragon has him on every scale and the Java line is to come in there and rip every scale off every single one. And the moment, and it's gonna take a long time, the moment that you've inspected every single contract that you've signed willingly or unwillingly, and you inspect it and say, all right, put this down, you get to a point of this nothingness of this emptiness. Now, life has no meaning. Now, life has no objective, it has nothing that you need to do or need to abide by. And a lot of people can find this spot as scary because it's almost like death, because it is death. It's the personal death is the death of a personality of the ego. That's why most people will not go there. They're afraid of death. But you find yourself there. There's two kinds of people, one will go into nihilistic terms. It's like, oh, there's a point. Okay. And the other people are like, oh, there's no point I get to create the point. If it gets to that point. Now you're the child. Now you have the understanding of if this is all just a huge playground, what do I want to fill up?

With a fella with these sort of relationships, I feel with this sort of work, I'm filled with this sort of government, I'll fill it with this, anything and everything until you're just completely satisfied. So that's I want to pick it back to the to the death part. Like personally, man, I love that so much. I think death is the most beautiful misunderstood thing that we share into the world. And there'll be so afraid of the of the unknown, but they're known as the most beautiful, beautiful part. You know, we can consider and conceive what can be what will it be, but if you find yourself in love with death, if you find yourself

not running toward it, but looking forward to the to the encounter of this event that only happens once in a lifetime, you give yourself the permission to to live every single day, because now you're like, Alright, well, that's gonna come and I'm going to look forward to that. What am I What am I going to do until I get them to the point of getting there? And if you're not afraid of death, every single day, you'd be like, well, I can take a risk. What's the worst thing worst that can happen? Death all over that, you know, so

At least personally for me, that that was initially what got me there just understanding of death a little bit better, and then starting creating the life that I wanted to live. That's, that's beautiful. I love it that another friend of mine he she,

regarding death

he would

he describes depression and anxiety or suicidal thoughts. He says, look, you are suicidal. And that's a great thing, right? That's an indication that part of you needs to die. The part of you that is so unhappy with life, the part of you that is worried about X, Y, or Z, all of that stuff, you need to kill that like you need to become a murder of all those past

lives of yourself to so you can truly be present. And it's okay. This is another conversation that my my wife and I have these conversations all the time because that's where my mind is that most of them but we had this conversation.

How I don't feel guilty for pretty much anything in life. Like it's just like whatever like that happened. Am I? Is it a little bit embarrassing? Yeah, like in the, if it was brought in certain forms of light is a little embarrassing, but like at the end result like I don't regret anything now are the things that I wouldn't repeat that I would hope never to do again, totally. But when I look back yesterday, I think I did yesterday or this morning or two hours go right?

I look back I'm like, No, that was weird. That wasn't even me Who did that? Like? That's how, like what you mean? Do you mean this body perform that action? Or said that thing or? Like what? That's just not even that does not who I am, you know. And so my identity is not tied up in my habits or how I've

unfortunately been programmed over 27 years to be, but my identity internal identity is separate. And so I don't feel guilty about stuff that happened 1020 years ago. It's just

like whatever, like it happened, that's not who Samuel is. So that's just unfortunate that he acted that way at some point or that that other being did, but that guy's dead. And so many people have a struggle understanding that, but if you look at any religion, we all have that built into your religious structure, the idea of repentance is nothing less than having a new view of yourself in orientation to in Christendom, God, but you could say if you don't believe in God into the more the most perfect version of you, the ultimate creator of you, all you have is a new perspective of where you are at in relation to them. That's the definition of repentance and changing and ultimately reorienting yourself towards progression towards a more perfect version of yourself. And so it's built into every narrative religious atheism. Football doesn't matter what it is, any religious narrative is built into the idea

I have progression. And I just love that.

I love that. Like, that's why when I started diving into it, like I became anonymous now I'm just like, Alright, I see the truth and everything. So because before man, you say the word God and I cringe.

And I'm just like, all right, like, this is what it is. And there's all this beauty around me. Okay, let's take this, here's a piece of the truth, he's a piece of the truth. And yeah, religions or spirituality or anything of that nature, it's all a unifying idea of, hey, let's all get connected with ourselves with with everybody else because we are the same. We're just, we're different expressions of the same entity have the same essence, like so when that again clicked with me. I was like, ah, unconditional love just came flowing and that nothing matters. Like you can come in here and you can say all bunch of negative things or you can just spit in my face trying to punch me and I'm like, Alright, I know you're feeling that way. And you're trying to project that onto me. And how can I get you to forget about that moment, that part and elevate you to a better part?

And honestly, like I find so much beauty in, in human interaction now, anytime I go anywhere and just just you'll just meet people, I just best friends everywhere, it's, it's gold and contrasting it to the very beginning of my of my life.

I could have never imagined that because again, that mentality me versus the world, it showed itself everywhere. And now it's me with the world. And it shows itself out of everywhere. So that really plays to the fact of you know, what, you get what you want, you get what you think about, if you if you want your life to change, if you want to build a legacy, if you want something beautiful to happen, you have to create that within and then it's going to express itself without and again, so many religions say that

as above so below as the universal the soul.

It's, it's amazing. And it's so,

so amazing. It's magic. Yeah. And that's the funniest thing when it comes to religion as

people who have and this is not I mean, it's just is what it is people

have not gotten to that perspective

that, I guess that I hadn't have said this, we all use the same language to describe it. And so what's fascinating about it is you have somebody who doesn't understand it, and you try to say this is this is the feeling and you're using their same language to describe and like, No, that's not what those words mean. Like.

Okay, what they, I don't know how else you could say it like, this is the best language I could have is like I love in Christian, right, but it happens in all of them. But the intercessory prayer where Jesus Christ is sitting, sitting there saying, hey, I want to be on you. You'd be me, all of us be in God. And I'll be one of you, right? Oh, that means x, y, z or whatever. But it's like, no, he just wants us all to be of the same intention, same connection, and be literally in each other not. Anyways, once you've accomplished the feeling of we're all connected, and you understand that

unconditional love. That's like what he's saying is the most direct, literal way to say it. And it's still over people's heads.

As funny to me. So,

yeah, what it is, I read somewhere, it's like you can't, you can't. You can't speak the truth in

just blatant terms kind of thing. Because people can't accept that. That's all you have to write it in symbology you have to write in a language that they can personally

place themselves into. That's at least where like, where my poetry my philosophy comes in. In philosophy, I try to write it blatant truth. I was like, here's what happens. And honestly,

I've had much more positive response to the poetry book that I wrote. And it's a lot more you just like kind of like Rumi, little mysticism in there. And it's, you know, I create a, like a lattice of words that create imagery and

sensations that then people can project their own life onto and then see themselves in it. And I think that's what separates like, you know, good art or bad or not saying I'm a good artist, but at least I've had good positive reflections of people say, Hey, I see myself in this in this in this poem. And I'm like, sweet, awesome. Yeah. And that's because we all share that, that commonality of that of the pain of being distance from from the source from art from whether you say to God or universe or our greater or greater self, our perfect self. We have that separation here. And it's always that, that that step up to get close to that pureness, you know?h